Let’s All Celebrate Like Our New President Does!

I recently read that, a la the OBAMAs “fist bump”, commonly known as Dap, which expressed excitement and joy at celebrating the winning of the presidency, President Trump has announced that rather than a fist bump, the new First Man urges all his followers to celebrate with a “crotch dump.”


Trump explained the technique in explicit terms so that no one will be confused as to method.

As opposed to the fist bump, this celebratory ritual is performed at first with an open palm being quickly placed over a beautiful (remember the key word is beautiful – our president does not want to be fettered with accusations of his supporters choosing “ugly” specimens; wives and current girlfriends are excepted from this rule) women’s private areas and then abruptly closing all 5 fingers in a grabbing fashion.

The rest of the new version of the bump is up to the celebrant, allowing for unique constitutional individualistic protected actions. For example, one might bump the dump and go for the rump, or decide against the rump electing for a little hump.

It’s all in fun, and can be quickly denied as anything but presidential boyish activities if the person being celebrated with takes offense.

Good luck with this new presidential activity. It will certainly set an excellent example of respectful relationships for our children and the rest of the world, guaranteed not to offend anyone.

Randy Mazie


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