Chicken Crack Crock Pot Pie (and I Don’t Care)

It’s a new Paula Bean recipe for you silly foodies…

pic by Randy Mazie

pic by Randy Mazie


Chicken Crack Crock Pot Pie (and I Don’t Care)

served instead with rice rather than a stoopid pie crust
Yield: Serves 4-5

Ingredients:

6-8 boneless, sinless chicken cracks
Salt and pepper
1/2 cup diced Vidalia onions (be sure it’s a Vidalia as chicken cracks already have a very onion-y smell)
2 cloves garlic, minced, tied in a strainer bag. String through the chicken cracks’ cracks
1/2 cup honey – just to sweeten it up a bit
1/4 cup ketchup – because blood is nasty
1/2 cup low-sodium soy sauce – won’t give you high blood pressure because high blood pressure is also nasty
2 tablespoons vegetable oil or olive oil or KY – depending on what you’re into
1/4 teaspoon red pepper flakes – because it covers up a variety of sins and lowers blood pressure, too.
4 teaspoons cornstarch – things start to get sticky here
1/3 cup water – just in case you get thirsty
2 packets minute rice, optional – only if you have the time
1/2 tablespoon (or more) sesame seeds. or poppy seed leftovers after you’ve smoked the good stuff. or sunflower seeds if you’re a baseball junkie

Directions:

Place chicken cracks in Crock Pot and season the hell out of them.

In a medium bowl, combine the onions and all the other shit..

Pour over chicken. Cook on low for 3-4 hours, or high for 6 hours if you use fresh chicken cracks. 12 hours if you use a live chicken and then decide to cut the cracks out later.

Remove chicken to a cutting board, leaving sauce. Shred chicken with fingers – always makes mine taste better. Be sure to lick fingers in-between each shredding. This also helps to make sure the sauce is just right.

Prepare rice according to package instructions, that is provided you can read..

In a small bowl, dissolve 4 teaspoons cornstarch in 1/3 cup water; add to crock pot. Stir to combine with sauce. Cover and cook sauce on high for ten more minutes, or until slightly thickened.

Add cooked rice to 4 plates, top with chicken and spoon sauce over top. Sprinkle seeds and whatever the hell else you like over the top

Bone ah-petite.

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