Visions: Lillie Mc Ferrin – Five Sentence Fiction

Want to see what I see?

Lillie Mcferrin posts a “Five Sentence Fiction” prompt.
This week it is: Vision

from Lillie McFerrin

from Lillie McFerrin


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Vision: Last Sight

Yes, my eyes are glassed over.

I took the pills hours ago, and no, don’t call for help or tell me that you love me because I’ve had enough.

You should have told me you loved me when I first told you that I knew. I asked you then to stop, I asked you then to go for help, didn’t I?

But you didn’t, you turned your back on me, and walked out without saying a fucking word.

***********************************************************************************************

Vison: Insight

Nobody can look this deeply into someone else’s eyes and not see something, whether
it is hurt, a shared past, a reflection of shortcomings, a cry of helplessness, or a pleading for forgiveness, there is always something there.

Only someone who is so terrified of closeness or emotions or attachments, who is so afraid of standing up and having to assume some action, would or could deny it.

Which is why I’m so afraid of what I have already seen in yours.

You were my wrong choice, you were my own blind eye; the soulless eye that I refused to see for what it was.

Your eyes were already dead, though I wanted so much see them differently.


Randy Mazie

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4 thoughts on “Visions: Lillie Mc Ferrin – Five Sentence Fiction

  1. Beautiful, Randy! I much prefer the first, only because it seems more lyrical. Go figure! The only thing I don’t like, and it’s not because I don’t use the word, is the f-bomb. It always seems to me- and, again, this is just me- that writers tend to use it because they can. So why don’t I have the same problem with “damn”? Maybe familiarity? We’ve been using it a lot longer in movies and novels and TV and I guess I’m more used to it.

    • I don’t use profanity in my writing as a general rule. If you look over what I write, you don’t really see it. Language is so rich that profanity is not needed. Plus I don’t like reading it in others’ writings unless it fits the character and serves a purpose. (Although in my personal conversational language in informal situations, I am known to curse like a sailor – which is a throwback to my New York street coming out of me at times)

      But while I don’t think profanity is necessary to convey emotion to readers… I do believe it has its unique moment for existence. I saw that moment in her final torrent of anger at him after her having internalized it by making her decision to take her own life.

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