Twisted Christmas Tongue Twisters

A few little twisted Christmas tongue twisters…

Twisted Christmas Tongue Twisters

My 13 year old niece and I were “hanging” – no, make that “chillin'”- at the house – no, make that in uncle’s “crib” – tonight and having a lot of fun – no, make that “gettin’ down” – writing together. We used all that old-fashioned stuff called a dictionary and thesaurus.

This is our Christmas version of the old tongue twister “Wood Chuck”:

“How much stuff could a stocking stuffer stuff if a stocking stuffer could stock stuff?”

Here’s a profane version by my niece (dirty little thing):

“How much Ho could a Ho-Ho Ho if a Ho-Ho could Ho-Ho?”


“How much Santa could a Santa Clause Claw if a Santa Clause could claw Santa?”

How about “Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers” remastered:

Kris Kringle carolled with a communal Christmas chorus

Try this relentlessly updated and extended version of “Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers”:

Rudolph Reindeer writes on rich ripe righteous radishes, right?

Randy and Remi
fer real, fer sure


4 thoughts on “Twisted Christmas Tongue Twisters

    • I know. I know. I agree, Paul. I said to my wife, I like kids too much (I really have a good time with them) but I don’t think I’m a good influence on her. I’m getting too old to set good limits.

      Meanwhile, my niece came in to me because my wife and my sister-in-law were talking about fetishism and the thought of masks scares my niece – and I’m less scary? What a family. What a world.

      We are like the Addams Family of black humor and weirdness. All of us need a little adult supervision. Want the job? You seem pretty straight laced like the orderlie’s shoes in one flew over the cuckoo’s nest (I would have written nurse but I think you wouldn’t have found that funny).


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