Why me, God?
Donald Garvey Gets a Calling from God
God says to him:
Listen, I need you to lead the nation in non-violent ways to get the world back on the right track.
Garvey thinks it over and declines.
Why? God asks him.
Garvey says to God:
Look what happened to Gandhi, JFK, and Martin Luther King.
Even John Lennon.
Everyone who preached non-violence has been killed.
Your Son even got killed.
No thank you. I don’t want the job.
I don’t get it, Garvey.
How can you turn me down?
Garvey shakes his head replying to God:
Listen, something is very wrong with this non-violent approach.
It always ends in violence.
Especially for the guy who preaches non-violence.
I really don’t want that job. Thanks, but no thanks.
You need to come up with another way to reach the world to make it a better place.
But there isn’t another way to change the world other than through preaching goodness. God in all His glory reveals this to Garvey.
How about going back to floods and stuff like that? Garvey retorts.
And then adds, Just kidding, Lord. Just kidding.
Remember Garvey, in the beginning was The Word.
It is through words that the world will change.
But why me, God? Garvey snaps back.
Why not you? God retorts.
Garvey shrugs and says,
If I do it, I’ll need some sort of guarantee from you.
You can’t make deals with God, says God.
Now God gets a little testy here with Garvey.
He raises his voice and cries out to Garvey:
Garvey, who the hell do you think you are?
Gandhi? JFK? King? Even John Lennon?
Dare you compare yourself to my Son?
All I asked you to do was a simple little task – nothing all that big or difficult.
And this is how you respond?
Garvey thinks it over.
While Garvey is considering God’s words,
God shoots him.
Fucking ingrate. Fucking crumb.
He mutters and walks off.