“Legitimate Rape” – Too Soon?


“Legitimate Rape” – Too Soon?

I was reading one more piece about Congressman Todd Akin’s genius statement about legitimate rape causing the female reproductive system to shut down so that women don’t often get pregnant.

Wow. After giving it some thought, he just may be on to something.

Women! Throw away your birth control. Experience a new freedom and a new happiness.

Don’t want a child? Just experience your sexual life with your significant other (or others) that could result in pregnancy as simply instances of legitimate rape. Tell your body that it’s time to shut down. It will save you lots of money, and you won’t have to put things into your body and/or experience any negative side effects. In fact, the new side effects may feel more exciting than the old ones.

Men. Please don’t worry about siring any unwanted children. Just rape that woman. All those existing children of rape are really just fantasies anyway. They only exist in people’s minds (certainly none in Congressman Akin’s mind). .

Legitimate rape is like legitimate incest. Legitimate rape is like legitimate bondage. It’s also like legitimate kidnapping, slow torture, a little waterboarding, and definitely legitimate stalking and peeping which hurts no one but the stalker or peeper (certainly not the peepee).

There should be laws to protect the sanctity of these very human behaviors.

But no. No. Republicans would say that there is no need for more laws. Certainly not laws to regulate a woman’s body because Akin’s law reminds us that the female body will shut down anyway.

But let’s look at the economic fall-out of this Republican position. If women stop using birth control… hmm… drug companies will suffer great financial losses, jobs will be curtailed, the wealthy’s share in drug and birth control stocks will plummet, jails won’t be filled with sex offenders, and private penal (no pun intended) institutions will go under.

No, the Republicans won’t stand for that.

Women will just have to use birth control and suffer the possibility of legitimate pregnancy due to legitimate rapes.

Wait, will that mean that we’ll make rape legal but pregnancy not?

Whoopee, here I come (all puns intended).

Randy Mazie


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