Memory Foam Mattress Diatribe: A Little Saturday Night Live Humor

No I wasn’t doing drugs.
And this isn’t a sci-fi piece.
And I do not hear voices – usually.
And I swear this a true story…
 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 
 
 
 
 

Memory Foam Mattress Diatribe

 
As I was getting into bed, I heard my bed yelling at me:
 
Hey, you!
Yeah, I’m talking to you.
You were deep into me last night – and you made a lousy impression.
Get off of me. Just get off of me.
You tossed and turned all last night. And you snored!
Shoo. I don’t want you springing (ha) back into my memory. I am not into déjà vue.
I’ve had enough of you.
And don’t you ever bring her back again either.
My back is killing me ever since you had that…
What did you call it on the phone the other night with one of your bone-headed buddy
      friends?
I would have politely called it a tryst. You called it a F***fest.
Well, you’re not having any more F***fests at my expense.
I just called and ordered a memory bed for this memory bed, and charged it to your credit
      card.
The one I remembered you using when you called that funky number late at night
       a week or so ago.
My bed will be arriving Thursday.
 
So get your own bed, if you can remember what a bed is for and how to treat one.
 
Randy Mazie

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2 thoughts on “Memory Foam Mattress Diatribe: A Little Saturday Night Live Humor

    • What stories they might share, eh?
      They’d throw us both out of our homes, no?
      Either they, or we, would start a 12 step meeting. Maybe both of us? Adult Children of Foam Mattresses and Foam Mattresses Anonymous.
      Then we’d all be foaming at the mouth? Okay, I’ll stop.
      But thank you for stopping by. Always appreciate your comments. Randy

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